Bullying at school: how to understand that your child is being bullied and support him

What is bullying

Bullying is aggression on the part of one or more children against a child who cannot protect himself. This behavior takes many forms: for example, a child can spread rumors, call him names, push and beat him. Bullying occurs in everyday life or spreads to the Internet: threats and insults in instant messengers and social networks are called cyberbullying.

Usually the victim of bullying hard to stop self-violence. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to the physical and emotional state of the child and note the signs that indicate bullying.

How to recognize if your child is being bullied

1. He comes home from school with bruises and damaged things.

Sometimes bullying is expressed in physical actions: hits, kicks and pushes, scratches. At the same time, the child may not explain to parents how traces of fights appeared, or come up with implausible stories. If a student has always been neat and suddenly began to come home in torn or dirty things, you should also be wary.

Bullying may also be indicated by the fact that the child’s equipment breaks down, clothes and personal belongings disappear. Sometimes this situation has a rational explanation – for example, someone distracted the student, so he forgot the textbook in the office. But if things disappear systematically, perhaps someone takes them away on purpose.

What should parents do

If the child came frightened and with bruises, you need to calm him down, and if necessary, seek medical help. Then you should try to find out the causes of the conflict. Children are not always willing to talk because they may feel shame and guilt. Let your child know that you are on his side and always ready to support.

Talk to the teacher and find out why the conflict happened. When children are in school, for their life and health answer institution employees. If a child is injured, you you can demand an internal investigation and try to compensate for the costs of treatment through the courts. The abuser is over the age of 14 himself carries responsibility for the harm caused to them.

In case of missing things, the school answerswhen they were deposited in the wardrobe. And, for example, the administration is not responsible for the safety of the child’s phone. If you think your device has been stolen, you can contact the police.

2. The child does not want to go to classes

From time to time this happens to all children – no one canceled the desire to skip the control. But if a child begins to systematically miss classes and refuses to discuss his relationship with teachers and classmates, this may indicate that he is uncomfortable at school.

You need to pay attention to a sharp change in hobbies. For example, a child used to go to robotics or chess with pleasure, but now he is looking for an excuse to stay at home. It is possible that his interests have simply changed. But sometimes the reason for this behavior is a conflict with one of the children.

What should parents do

Try to find out from the child what happened. Avoid phrases like “You have to tell me everything.” Better instead use open-ended questions, such as: “What happened?”, “What problem are you facing?” You need to make it clear to the child that his opinion is important to you.

If the student is reluctant to answer questions, you can discuss someone’s story to lead him to a heart-to-heart conversation. Use characters from books and films as examples—read Vladimir Zheleznikov’s Scarecrow or Trudy Ludwig’s The Invisible Boy together, for example. It is important to explain to the student that bullying can manifest itself in different ways, but in any case, you should not tolerate bullying or pretend that nothing is happening. This will make it easier for your child to recognize bullying and tell their parents about it.

3. His behavior has changed dramatically

Bullying is not always expressed in abrasions and bruises – children may be limited to offensive words. But this does not mean that bullying will not affect the physical condition of the child. For example, he has can hurt head or worsen sleep. Sometimes bullying leads to depression and anxiety, outbursts of aggression and anger. At times, a student’s performance may also suffer.

What should parents do

Not worth it discount the child’s problems and say that he has not yet encountered real difficulties. If it seems to you that the child is behaving incorrectly, let’s evaluate his act, but not the personality. For example, when a student gets bad grades because of bullying, instead of scolding him in the spirit of “There is a loser in our family!”, start the conversation like this: “I’m sorry that you got a deuce. What do you think is the reason?”

If you find out about bullying and want to go to school to have a serious talk with children, but the child is categorically against it, better listen to his opinion. Look with him for options on how to proceed. In some cases, you may need to change schools.

4. He gets stressed after online chatting

Insults and threats on the Internet at least dangerousthan physical bullying. With traditional bullying, the child knows the aggressor by sight and can avoid it – for example, go home from school. Cyberbullying is often anonymous, and the stalker poisons the victim constantly, almost without being distracted from the main affairs.

Just like bullying in real life, online bullying can lead to a child being restless, having poor academic performance and poor health. But there are also specific features. For example, you may notice that a child nervous after being on social media. Sometimes a student becomes extremely secretive when it comes to online communication. He spends all his free time reading posts and comments, but does not discuss it with his parents.

What should parents do

Try to figure out what’s going on. Ideally, you need to explain to the child in advance what content can be shared. it will help avoid situations where the cause of bullying was, for example, an unpleasant video. Tell your child that you should add as friends only those whom he knows personally, and you don’t need to respond to rude messages – it’s better to send a rude interlocutor to the black list. You can complain about insults to technical support – then the platform will block the account from which they were written.

Explain to the student that he does not need to deal with cyberbullying on his own – he can immediately tell you about the problems that have arisen. Save correspondence, photos and other important information. If you know the offender of the child, with the evidence collected, you can apply in writing to the school or the juvenile commission.

5. The child constantly begs for money.

He demands more pocket money than usual, but doesn’t explain what he’s going to buy. Or often comes home from school hungry, although he regularly receives money for food. And sometimes you just discover the loss of funds from the wallet. It is possible that money is being extorted from the child. He can buy sweets to other children or pay for going to the cinema in the hope that he will be accepted into the company.

What should parents do

If you find that a child is stealing, don’t scold him, especially in front of strangers. Explain why you can’t take someone else’s. For example, invite him to imagine how a person feels when their money is stolen. It is important to find out the reason for the theft – behind it can stand an attempt to get the attention of parents or a desire to build relationships with peers. To protect your child from theft of money on the Internet, explainthat in no case should you transfer bank card data to third parties.

6. The student does not want to communicate with peers

There is a stereotype that bullying face only reserved and shy children. In fact, every student is at risk. The reason for bullying can be academic success, creativity, appearance, family income – everything that distinguishes you from the rest. If the child was sociable, but suddenly began to avoid contact with peers, he may have encountered insults from their side.

A sharp loss of friends can also speak of bullying. Sometimes children try to isolate themselves from the victim of bullying so that aggression does not spread to them.

What should parents do

If your child tells you that a friend or girlfriend no longer communicates with him, take it seriously. Do not say that it is he who is to blame for the quarrel. Teach your student how to stand up for themselves when conflict is brewing in the classroom. Getting into a fight is undesirable – it can only aggravate the situation. You should try to respond calmly to insults, you can answer something witty, but do not swear.

It is important that the student realizes that he cannot be beaten and called names, otherwise he will be not easy protect yourself from the attacker. Perhaps this will have to work with the child’s self-esteem. Help him find hobbies in which he can express himself in order to realize his own significance.