My article about male shackers has caused a lot of criticism on the net. Great, so the topic is alive. Both sexes reproached me for disrespect and aggression towards men. Moreover, even those who criticize on the verge of insults, ladies, admitted that, in fact, I am right – living together in modern realities gives a woman more trouble, and if a man does not want to compensate for them, then there is not much sense and joy in it.
The men also insulted, asked “where is the love”, recalled the wives of the Decembrists: they would, they say, die if they heard that they were going to Siberia with their husbands, they shared hard labor, but I don’t want to share the budget.
I began to think whether this is so and that there is respect for me in general. Respect is such a recognition of the right of another person to his own opinion, boundaries, desires. In general, the fact that he is different and different from me. And this right does not depend on gender. Doesn’t depend on age either. Any person is different from me, he has the right to this distinction, and then it’s my business whether it suits me or not. And if it doesn’t fit, then we apologize and leave. We are not trying to remake, inspire, impose, convince, do good. We do not bill “how different you are, but I hoped that you would be the way I want.” And in general, men are different for me, different, and we have different roles in a couple – I never encroached on this.
But I encroached on something else … on the crown that shone on a man’s head for many centuries – the man is the main one, because he is a man. If 50 years ago it was a priori so, men took more upon themselves, now they don’t particularly want to take responsibility, but to shine with a crown – yes, please. And many women automatically continue to see this crown on a man’s head, look from the bottom up, as their mothers and grandmothers did, and as if if I take it away, then nothing will remain under it.
The men also got nervous: if we are not blinded by the shine of the crown, then we can see that the king is naked or an impostor. Part of the kings. Look how offended when I dared to write that their majesties “record” the toilet. Not because they are bad, or on purpose, or do not know how, but simply because others, in the morning waking up, do not always get there or at night in the dark, and do not bother about it, because they are worried about something else. And that’s okay. Only the toilet bowl needs to be washed more often, and it would be good to take this into account when organizing a joint life.
The penis itself has ceased to be a symbol of power, authority and dominance, and I constantly tell women about this – actions characterize a man. Actions cause recognition, admiration, love. Or they don’t call. Do things and glory will be according to your deeds, and not by the fact of having a certain body in your pants.
And here is this petty “half the budget”, or “I won’t buy her a cup of coffee, we’ll take a walk in the park, all of a sudden she only needs money from me”, or “you write disgustingly and your yellow and kitchen magazine, and you yourself are an unsatisfied woman” – deeds so-so, petty, dirty. “What love?” asked the heroine of a famous film. And really, what is love with him? He will not come into your life to make it easier, more fun, more enjoyable, more fulfilling? No. He will come to beat up the bills “did you pay your half?”, And eat out the brain with a teaspoon “I’m in charge, I’m a man, now you’re lucky.” No love, no help, no money, no sex. Because even in sex, he will present his penis to you for caresses, but do not count on responses. This is not a royal business.
But what about love, does it exist at all and how does it depend on money? Love is, of course, there is. Most of the unions we form nevertheless on impulse: if not love, then attraction and inspiration, and not on calculation. But what happens to her in everyday life if nothing is done? And how often in everyday life do we remember if there are feelings and that something needs to be done for them?
I remember that at the start of my practice, a man came to me in a state of pre-divorce. Interesting, well aged, not poor. He came with sincere bewilderment what he was doing wrong and why she was leaving. And I began to find out what he did for the relationship. His wife loved fresh flowers, any plants in flowerpots. He knew about it, but he always gave her something different for the holidays. To my question “why?” replied that he thought it was stupid to give flowerpots, she already had a lot of them, gifts should be practical, etc. Let’s imagine a woman who lives with a man, married him. She is not an angel, she makes many mistakes and hurts him in some way, but they live together, suppose because they love each other. But she also loves flowerpots and sometimes wants to receive them from him, simply because these gifts make her happy. He knows about flowerpots, but he still buys frying pans, perfumes, vases, because he thinks they are better. How soon will a woman begin to hate this man? Not because she can’t buy this flowerpot for herself – she can afford to buy a greenhouse, but she wants her loved one to recognize the importance of this for her. And he pushes through his own, although giving her what she wants is so simple – just buy a flowerpot – not kill a dragon, accomplish a feat or earn a million money. Of course, they broke up not because of the flowerpot, but because a lot of grievances, claims, misunderstanding and unwillingness to admit their responsibility had accumulated, but I think it was the flowerpot that gave the crack from which the whole house fell apart.
My mother used to say “a person is made up of little things”, and I will say that relationships are destroyed by little things – there is no need for betrayal, betrayal, conflict of interest. It is enough to stop doing little pleasant things for each other that cost nothing, or silently ignore sharp corners. Bumping into them, bruising them, but not trying to rearrange something so that there is no corner. And one of these sharp corners is the financial issue. We can wrinkle our nose as much as we like and say in the voice of Ogre Ellochka “how unintelligent it is, these are feelings, what money”, but live at least one day without money in our material world or with a man who does not even have 2 tokens in the subway and he does nothing to fix it. And then we’ll talk about how money and feelings are connected, or that I’m an angry and disrespectful woman.
All good and conscious relationships.